owner and author of ADHDisco.
The short version
Writer, over-thinker, chronic people pleaser & waterfall-chaser. ADHDisco is the corner of the internet I needed at 22, at 26, at 30 - and finally started building at 37.
The girl dancing under the disco ball
Hi. I'm the one on the other end of this small, softly-lit, neutral disco. For most of my life I was "so much potential" in a leather jacket - brilliant in bursts, wildly inconsistent, impulsive and quietly exhausted from trying desperately to just be normal. You'll usually find me overthinking at 2am, hyper focusing on the wrong tab, or drafting essays to friends or my significant other that never get sent.
I write from the messy middle. Not from the other side of it, not from having it figured out, and definitely not from a throne of productivity. Just from here, with a laptop, a decaf coffee, and a brain that runs seventeen variations of mind-fuckery whilst simultaneously trying to "make-it" in a world that wasn't built for me.
I make lists I never finish, I cry at the most random of things, and I have opinions about people pressing buttons on train doors before they light up, that could fill their own journal page. I really do wish I knew why that winds me up so much. IT ISN'T LIT, THEREFORE, IT IS NOT READY, SO IT WILL NOT OPEN. Whew, there, that's better.
A Diagnosis at 36.
I was diagnosed with combined ADHD at 36, and after a multitude of misdiagnoses I finally knew why I felt different. The moment I heard the words "You scored extremely highly across all types of ADHD so, I am diagnosing you with combined ADHD" was the only time that I have ever burst into happy, snot bubble tears in my life. THE VALIDATION fell over me like the warmest hug. Then came the grief & the bitterness, but the full version of this story lives in the journal, the short one is that everything finally made sense. And also, nothing made sense.
"Different, not broken" is the sentence I white-knuckle repeat to myself, especially on the days it doesn't feel true. This blog is me practising believing it out loud, whilst also offering hope that it gets better and in turn, helping someone else.
"You are not behind. You were running a different race the whole time."
Why I disappear into nature.
When the noise inside gets loud, I put on my backpack and go looking for moving water. There is something about a waterfall, the steady, unbothered rush of it, that resets whatever inside me has gone all wobbly and out of whack. I don't know if it's the negative ions or the sensory full-stop, but my nervous system was built for being soothed by flowing water & waves.
I take my camera. I take too long deciding on a shutter speed. I then take 27 photos of the exact same thing, and I come home muddy and more peaceful than when I left. The honest version is: photography is the only hobby that has ever survived my brain intact, and I think it's because you can't hyper fixate on a to-do list when you're waist-deep in bracken, or being chased down a nature trail by a ram.
What lives here
ADHDisco is a slow paced blog, journaling my experience of ADHD, it's a space for me to vent, and connect with people who have had similar experiences. I promise to always be raw & honest about the dark bits, enthusiastic about the good bits & forever allergic (unless I'm moaning about it) to the words super-power and to the phrase "10 hacks to fix your brain".
You'll find long-form journal entries on the parts of ADHD that don't fit on a symptom checklist, a resource hub for navigating the UK diagnosis maze, micro-thoughts that never made it to a full article, and, occasionally, a photograph of a waterfall I fell in love with that week. A cake I've made or just something that's made me proud.
If any of that resonates with you, then welcome yourself in. Kick your shoes off. There's a seat with your name on it, and I'll stick the kettle on!
- with love, from somewhere in Manchester.