Faking It, Trending, and Gaslighting: What it's Really Like Living with Late-Diagnosed ADHD
A rubbish date, a national debate, and a doctor who sighed at me.
Content note
This article discusses medical gaslighting, burnout, depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and self-doubt, and it contains strong language. Please look after yourself while reading, and reach out to your GP, a trusted person, or a mental health support service if any of this hits close to home.
Last week, I went on a date for the first time since splitting from my ex. Which made me realise 2 things. 1. I'm definitely not a gold digger (he was a doctor) and 2. how overwhelmed UK healthcare is by ADHD.
Chapter 01The Worst Date Alive
Where to start eh? The date? Well, he was the most boring man alive. I was also pretty insulted that I'd spent THREE HOURS getting ready, and he rolled up looking like he'd just shoved on whatever T-shirt he could find and left for the date with unbrushed hair and an outgrown beard. Who raised you man?
The only useful thing I got out of the whole experience was when I mentioned I had ADHD, and it was met with "oh yeah, they're closing down the right to choose pathway because they're overwhelmed".
Chapter 02Down the Rabbit Hole
Then, once I got home (obviously early, waste of time that was) I go into full research mode. Why is the NHS so overwhelmed? Why do people with suspected ADHD have to suffer?
I genuinely wanted to do all of this research in the hope that I'd stumble over a work-around, so that I could hopefully help people who are actually struggling to get seen quicker. However, I very quickly changed my mind on giving a step by step guide on how to get diagnosed when I realised the sheer amount of people "faking" in the hopes of getting a diagnosis.
According to Google: Clinical studies suggest that roughly 22% to 33% (about 1 in 4 to 1 in 3) of adults evaluated or self-reporting for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) either fake or significantly exaggerate their symptoms. In specific high-incentive environments like university settings, estimated rates of feigning can reach up to 50%.
I'M SORRY?! What?!
Up to a third of people evaluated are either faking or severely exaggerating it?! Are you actually taking the piss?
Chapter 03From TikTok Aesthetics to TV Debates
Social media has turned a serious, life-altering neurological disorder into some sort of trendy personality trait. TikTok and Instagram are full of people who get burned out once in a blue moon or hyperfixate on a new hobby for two weeks, instantly convincing themselves they need a medical diagnosis. You're not neurodivergent because you like buying stationery or hate doing your tax return, you're just a normal human living in a fast-paced world.
And as if the social media madness wasn't enough, Channel 4 have literally just announced a new documentary called The Great ADHD Myth?, actually debating whether ADHD is a real neurodevelopmental disorder or just a "social construct".
A social construct?! Are you joking? ADHD UK have already slammed them and sent an open letter begging them to see sense, pointing out how outrageously harmful it is to frame a recognised medical condition as a "myth". It gives every cynical GP, every dismissive boss, and every skeptical family member the exact excuse they need to roll their eyes.
Chapter 04Running on Empty
And that brings me to today. Because while all these people are faking it for trends and TV executives are treating our reality like a debate, those of us with actual, official diagnoses are drowning.
I have Combined ADHD, and lately, I've been severely burned out. Work has been stressful, mistakes have happened, and my brain instantly defaults to: "And you thought you were doing so well. Look at you fucking everything up again." The imposter syndrome is horrific. I hated the thought of asking for reasonable adjustments at work because even thinking about having that talk makes me feel weak and inferior, but I hit a wall where I couldn't keep running on empty.
Chapter 05Sighed at by a Doctor
So I booked a call with a doctor today just to get a document for my boss.
He seemed nice at first. Upbeat, warm, polite. Then I mentioned ADHD, and I literally heard a heavy sigh down the phone. He cut me off, spoke over me, and kept saying he didn't know what to do to help me. He wouldn't even let me speak, kept telling me he needed to finish what he was saying, and basically expected me to tell him how to do his job. And I'm paying for this. I already hold an official diagnosis, but the second those letters came out of my mouth, I was treated like an absolute inconvenience.
Do you know how fucking heartbreaking, hurtful, and infuriating that is? To spend 37 years drowning, thinking you are just broken, only to finally get a diagnosis that explains the lifelong depression, anxiety, OCD, intrusive thoughts, trauma, rejection, and total paralysis, just to be sighed at by a GP who treats you like you're following a trend?
It made me feel completely unheard, small, and pushed me straight into that toxic loop where you start gaslighting yourself, thinking: "What if it isn't real? What if I made it all up? What if I'm just lazy, useless, and making excuses for being a failure?"
Chapter 0637 Years of Survival
Our pain isn't a headline, a viral clip, or a debate topic for a TV panel. It's 37 years of just trying to survive inside my own head.
I'm exhausted, I'm burnt out, and I'm sick to death of having to defend my right to simply exist and get a bit of help at work.
I don't really know what the solution is, but writing this down is the only way I have left to stop it from completely consuming me.