Realising that a top Google search result was actively gaslighting neurodivergent women. And what I did to get it removed.
How I came across something disturbing.
Content note
This article discusses gaslighting, coercive control, and mental and emotional abuse. If you are currently in a harmful relationship, please reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a domestic abuse support service. You deserve safety and support.
I'm not about to tell you I've ended world hunger or stopped World War 3. But what I have done is hopefully saved a woman (likely many women) from having to go through a psychological mind-game that I found incredibly difficult.
A couple of weeks ago, I was thinking about an ex. I know, I know. Get over it, Amy.
But that's easier said than done when you're actively trying to piece together who you were before the relationship, just to get back to being yourself.
I was thinking specifically about the early days. When he first told me about his mental health issues, I immediately looked them up. I researched them because I wanted to understand him and be prepared if he ever needed me.
Did he do the same when I was diagnosed with ADHD?
Did he balls.
Instead, he actively ignored my symptoms. He constantly told me that I don't listen, that I interrupt too much, that I'm too sensitive, and that I talk about ADHD too much. My personal favourite? He claimed I "weaponise" my ADHD and that I'm always the argumentative one.
Naturally, this got me thinking: "If he had actually wanted to support me and do a quick search, what would he have found?"
What I discovered was profoundly concerning.
Chapter 01The Search
I typed a very specific phrase into Google: "How to support female partner with late diagnosed ADHD"
We all know how Google works. Ads and sponsored content first, and then the top organic results. To rank on the first page, an article has to be clicked on thousands of times. It holds massive influence.
I clicked on a piece titled "5 Tips to Support Your ADHD Partner," published by a well-known neurodivergent outlet. Which showed up on the 2nd position of organic search results.
Tip number two stopped me cold:
"ADHD can make your wife Argumentative: Many women with ADHD are argumentative and this can cause unnecessary stress in a relationship. The reason for this argumentative behaviour is that many women living with ADHD need to have brain stimulation. Arguments cause stimulation in the brain because when you are angry or feeling negative, the brain reacts with increased activity..."
I sat there thinking, "Excuse me?! I'll show you argumentative!"
Not only is this completely false (the vast majority of ADHD women I know would cut off their left tit to avoid conflict) but panic quickly set in.
If my ex had come across this article from a reputable source, his false reality would have been validated. It would have been weaponised against me in every single argument that he started.
Chapter 02Taking Action
Normally, you look at these things, feel a flash of rage, and move on because "what can one person do?" But I was too angry to let it go.
I filled out the website's contact form, stating that their article was spreading incorrect and potentially harmful information that also read as sickeningly misogynistic.
To my surprise, they replied almost immediately with the direct e-mail address of the Editorial Director.
I sent him a long, detailed e-mail laying out exactly why this was dangerous. Two hours later, he replied with a personal apology. He agreed they had a duty of care, promised to review the piece with his team, and thanked me for holding them accountable.
I was stunned. But I was even more stunned three hours later when I refreshed the link.
The article had been completely re-written with actually helpful, accurate information.
Chapter 03The Ripple Effect
When I shared this win with my ADHD community, the response completely overwhelmed me.
Seeing the flood of comments made the magnitude of what happened finally sink in. Other women started opening up, sharing stories of how their own partners would have used that exact quote as a weapon against them.
Somewhere along the way, the pain of what I'd been through made me hyper-vigilant enough to spot the danger. And because it was something I felt so passionately about, I actually made a change.
Whether that article was used to gaslight women in the past, it absolutely cannot be used to do it in the future. And I am incredibly proud of that.
To any woman reading this who is still trapped in that kind of volatile, exhausting relationship, where your calm nature is constantly warped into something it isn't, I hope this small victory gives you a night of well-deserved peace.
If I could get out of it, you can too. When you finally realise that love will never be enough, and you choose to love yourself more, you will leave. And you won't look back.
You've got this.