My most recent episode of complete burn-out
Chapter 01The funk
When chronic burnout sets in, especially when you have ADHD, even the things you know will heal you feel like massive chores. The executive dysfunction is real. Logically, you know that getting away for a few days will do you the world of good, but the actual motivation to peel yourself out of your pyjamas, have a shower, pack a bag, and get yourself out the door? Is just not there. Inertia wins, your brain feels completely paralysed, and you stay stuck in a funk, sitting in the exact environment that's been draining you in the first place.
That was me until Friday. My dad had been telling me to come stay with him for weeks. He knew how overwhelmed I'd been feeling with work, life, and just the general sensory overload of everything piling up, and he promised he'd sort out all the plans if I could just manage to get myself down here.
He has an apartment right on the beach in Colwyn Bay. The sea has always made me feel calm and heals something in me that I never even knew needed healing, so standing on the beach over the weekend, that familiar feeling of peace came rushing back. The sea, for me, has always quietened my head and put everything back into perspective. Whether it's an exhausting job, a break-up, a rocky friendship, or life hitting me from every angle at once, looking out at endless water reminds me of what really matters.
Chapter 02Thirty thousand steps to a waterfall
Our first day turned into a bit of an adventure. We somehow logged an absurd 30,000 steps, mostly because I love a waterfall and forced him to take me to Aber Falls so I could take photos.
Now, my dad isn't exactly a spring chicken anymore and has had a triple heart bypass in the past. To his credit, he's been out hiking and keeping active ever since, but he genuinely worried me on the way up. He sounded like his lungs were about to collapse, and there I was, frantically trying to find phone signal to Google the recovery position. Not that I even know if the recovery position helps a collapsed lung, but panic does strange things to your search history!
Against all odds, we made it to the top. I had gone on this trip for the sole purpose of photography, and getting my camera out made every single steep step worth it. ADHD hyperfocus kicked in hard. To the point I completely forgot my dad was even there, getting impatient waiting for me. But, losing myself in framing up shots, climbing to extremely random places to get the perfect frame, and nearly breaking my neck to navigate the least slippy river rocks to jump to made all the mental clutter completely evaporate. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't trapped in my own head. Dad even took some photos of me that I didn't actually hate. I snapped a few selfies too, and for once, I genuinely felt beautiful and didn't have a single care in the world.
Chapter 03The harbour at sunset
On the way back, Dad wanted to show me Conwy Castle and the harbour. If I thought I had already captured some great shots at the falls, the harbour at sunset finished the day off so nicely. It was genuinely one of my most favourite days.
Chapter 04Bloody hell Steve
The day after, we were at it again. We went for a walk along the beach and then headed down a woodland stretch, logging another 25,000 steps. At this point, because I'd worn a dress, the chub rub was setting in and because I was wearing sandals instead of my hiking boots, my glutes were absolutely cursing me. My dad and I are scarily similar, we miss out important details because we just assume everyone is a mind reader. When he said "we will just go for a walk along the beach", I dressed accordingly. If I knew we were basically going on another hike, I wouldn't have worn bloody sandals to traipse through mud or a dress without my chub rub shorts! Bloody hell Steve!
Chapter 05I'll be alright
After surviving our woodland trek, we made our way back towards the beach and Dad went back up to the flat, but I wanted to just sit on the sand on my own for a while. The sun was setting, and the weather was warm and breezy. I made a few new furry friends as dogs trotted past, and then I just sat there in silence. The relentless chatter in my brain finally went quiet, the last bits of tension left my shoulders, and then just one thought entered my mind: I'll be alright.
